The Cereal Box Prophecies

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 Recovered from cardboard, ink, and moonlight

1. “The goat knows your Wi-Fi password.”
    
2. “Do not eat the third marshmallow. It holds memories not meant for you.”
    
3. “When the spoon hums, run.”
    
4. “You’ve already met your soulmate. Check the recycling bin.”
    
5. “Beware of Tuesdays that smell like vanilla and regret.”
    
6. “One sock is cursed. Choose wisely.”
    
7. “He who hoards the milk shall spill the secrets.”
    
8. “The glitter you find on your pillow? It wasn’t yours.”
    
9. “The moon is listening. Stop yelling at your cereal.”
    
10. “You are not late. Time just folded again.”
     
11. “A feral raccoon knows your destiny. It dreams in Morse code.”
     
12. “Mercury retrograde has your phone. Let it go.”
     
13. “If your spoon bends, so will your future.”
     
14. “Pour milk counterclockwise to avoid entangling with shadow timelines.”
     
15. “The toy inside is alive. Do not feed it after revelations.”
     
16. “Your ex will text when you least desire it. Unplug the toaster.”
     
17. “The answers are beneath the prize tab. Tear with intention.”
     
18. “Lick the spoon, but not the truth.”
     
19. “Ask again when the box rattles back.”
     
20. “That wasn’t almond milk. Your dreams will now be lucid.”
     
21. “You will receive an unexpected letter. From a chair.”
     
22. “Find the sticker. It holds your true name.”
     
23. “The code is written in nutrition facts. Decode the sodium.”
     
24. “A pigeon knows. Listen closely next time it coughs.”
     
25. “Your aura needs a firmware update.”
     
26. “You’ve always been magical. Your cereal just hadn’t been blessed yet.”
     
27. “You were never meant to eat breakfast. You were meant to channel it.”
     
28. “Cut out the maze. Fold it into a sigil. Open a drawer. Wait.”
     
29. “You’ve been here before. Look at the expiration date.”
     
30. “The goat cometh. It has questions.”
     

1. “Your soulmate once borrowed your pen. You’ll know when they return it empty.”
    
2. “If the cereal clumps, the answer is yes. If it floats, ask again tomorrow.”
    
3. “The third drawer holds the truth. Or batteries. Possibly both.”
    
4. “You are not being watched. You are being remembered.”
    
5. “The missing sock is in a parallel timeline. It’s thriving.”
    
6. “Whistle twice if the microwave hums back.”
    
7. “One of your spoons knows fear. Choose wisely.”
    
8. “When the pigeon blinks at you, nod. The exchange has begun.”
    
9. “A raccoon will offer you a choice. Take the shiny one.”
    
10. “Your dreams are leaking. Patch them with glitter.”
     
11. “The key is behind the sticker. But only if you believe in adhesives.”
     
12. “Someone has written your name in pencil on a door you’ve never opened.”
     
13. “Check your voicemail. Even the deleted ones.”
     
14. “Don’t fear the glitch. It’s just the universe correcting your ex.”
     
15. “This cereal box expires in 2094. So will capitalism.”
     
16. “Next time the fridge clicks, say your full name aloud.”
     
17. “You have already survived your worst moment. You just forgot to celebrate.”
     
18. “If you stir counterclockwise, the ghosts can’t hear you.”
     
19. “A stranger knows your favorite song. Let them hum it.”
     
20. “Tuesday will arrive wearing yellow and carrying gossip.”
     
21. “Never ignore a message in a fortune cookie shaped like a duck.”
     
22. “The mirror lies only when you blink.”
     
23. “You’ve already folded the prophecy. Now unfold yourself.”
     
24. “When the tea tastes like secrets, listen before you sip.”
     
25. “Don’t throw out the box. It still holds your horoscope from 1997.”
     
26. “There’s a name you’ve forgotten. It still remembers you.”
     
27. “Do not trust anyone who doesn’t like snacks. They are false prophets.”
     
28. “The goat cometh. Again.”
     
29. “You are not lost. You’re just looking with mortal eyes.”
     
30. “You will sneeze at an important moment. That was the prophecy.”